WRESTLEPALOOZA BREAKING NEWS!!!
GINO HERNANDEZ FOUND DEAD
This morning, the badly-decomposed body of interim BCCW champion Gino Hernandez was found lying on the floor next to his bed. Coroners estimated that Gino had been dead for several days, ruling that the cause of death was an acute cocaine overdose. Some who were close to the situation have suggested that Gino may have been the victim of a "hit", stating that coroners had found eight times the usual fatal amount of cocaine in his system (including a substantial amount in his stomach) at the time of his death. RIP to the "Handsome Half-Breed" and former BCCW #1 contender.
DARK MATCH
Mr Ooh La La's music is the first thing the waiting audience hears, drawing an immediate babyface pop. French Santino-styled comedic banter ensues. Mr. Ooh La La declares himself zee single most entertaining presence in BCCW and therefore the perfect candidate to host BCCW's newest interview segment. Before he can even spit out zee name of zee show, he's cut off by Miley Cyrus' "Party in the USA". Enter "Adorable" Adrian Adonis and Sammi Lane. They don't look happy. Brief dueling microphones bit between Mr Ooh La La and Adonis before Adrian bubbles over in anger and attacks the bumbling Frenchman.
1) MR. OOH LA LA versus "ADORABLE" ADRIAN ADONIS (w/ Sammi Lane)
versus 
with 
Mr. Ooh La La wins the match after getting his butt kicked all night, when Sammi Lane and Adonis have a comedic heelish miscommunication (leaving Adonis sprayed with shaving cream and looking like a bukkake victim). Mr Ooh La La's victory celebration is Santino-isque in its obnoxious, exaggerated glory. Adonis and Sammi left center ring to argue and point fingers! Adrian blasts her with a handful of shaving cream! Sammi Lane slaps him in retaliation and storms off!
Winner: MR OOH LA LA
LIGHTS! CAMERA! ACTION!!
Introducing the announce team for this evening:
MSD, Matt Striker and the Honky Tonk Man.
Pogo the Clown storms the ring and kills whats left of a straggling Adrian Adonis. Pogo the Clown then grabs the mic and cuts a profanity-laced promo on Haystacks Calhoun (literally, every other word out of his mouth is "fuck"). Brandishes his barbed-wire laced shovel. But Haystacks Calhoun shows no fear as he emerges from the locker room after a dramatic pause to a huge pop. Barefoot, overalls and with a lucky horseshoe around his neck.
2) POGO the CLOWN (w/ Serena) versus HAYSTACKS CALHOUN
with 
versus 
Haystacks Calhoun wins the match with a big splash off the ring apron that drives Pogo through a table. In a climatic moment leading up to the big table spot, Haystacks Calhoun broke Pogo's own barbed wire shovel over his head and split the evil clown from ear to forehead. During the course of the match it was apparent that Pogo the Clown was completely out of control, and has been abusing Serena to keep her in his corner. At one point, when she refused to bestow upon him the barbed wire shovel, he flipped out on her and squashed her with an avalanche. But fortunately Haystacks Calhoun swooped in before any further damage could be done and wound up getting the win. Post match, the giant Haystacks Calhoun carried the wounded Serena backstage like one might carry a baby.
Winner: HAYSTACKS CALHOUN
KING of the DEATH MATCH TOURNEY
Semi-Finals
"CZW" = BCCW
3) JUN KASAI versus "SICK" NICK MONDO
versus 
Jun Kasai wins after a two-story "Pearl Harbor" splash through Mondo and two stacked tables (after wrapping himself with florescent lighttubes). Kasai kills Mondo in a daring, daredevil-type match until Atsushi Onita makes a late-match run in, presumably to attack Jun Kasai - the man who eliminated Onita from the Knot tourney. Instead, Onita blows a massive fireball in Mondo's face allowing for Kasai to set up the climatic finish! Onita and Kasai unite postmatch, in a massive display of mutual respect. Onita basically gives Kasai the key to Japanese Death match immortality - a crown he helped forge. The two of them then sacrifice Nick Mondo to appease the Death Match Gods and ensure Kasai's victory in the tourney.
Winner: JUN KASAI
KotDM #6
4) MADMAN PONDO versus THUMBTACK JACK
Winner: MADMAN PONDO
5) ALOISIA the AMAZON (w/ Lizzy Borden) versus ALEXXIS NEVAEH
with 
versus 
Aloisia the Amazon retains her championship with a decisive pinfall victory over the former champion Alexxis Nevaeh. Aloisia refused to cheat, even when Lizzy Borden screamed and exhorted her to. She even shook Alexxis' hand post match, in a great display of comradery and sportsmanship. Lizzy was not pleased with her champions actions. Aloisia then turns on her manager Lizzy Borden to great crowd approval and officially turn face.
Winner: (and STILL WWW champion): ALOISIA the AMAZON
(WWW championship)
6) RICHIE "Young Dragon" STEAMBOAT (w/ Hot Stuff Inc)
versus
RYAN "White Flash" DANGERFIELD
with
versus 
Ryan Dangerfield, the lovable BCCW veteran and King of the Indys. Worked his way from the bottom of the card to world title contendership (see "KNOW the LEDGE" for his world title attempt). Yet still no match for the skill, size and bloodline heritage of the Young Dragon. Dangerfield gets burned in a brisk 8 minute contest that is more notable for what happens at the end of the match. A flashy, bejeweled Hollywood agent-type appears on the entrance ramp to make a big spectacle of watching the match. Striker and MSD bug out on commentary, recognizing the man as DR JERRY GRAHAM!
Graham has an angry, unpleasant exchange with Missy Hyatt at ringside before grabbing Aksana by the hand and leaving with her! Steamboat, oblivious to the outside drama, makes his comeback to score the pin with a spectacular flying body press. When notified of the abduction post match, he and Missy Hyatt exchange glares or anger and confusion with Dr Jerry Graham who has Aksana by the hand on the entrance stage. She meekly follows his lead and the two disappear backstage.
Winner: RICHIE STEAMBOAT
7) Mitsuyo Maeda versus Masahiko Kimura
versus 
They jump in throwing to start and Kimura gets a quick takedown, but they go back to standing up right away. Mitsuyo Maeda is just going crazy, throwing huge bombs and then trying for a standing guillotine. Kimura tries to get to the ropes, but that just allows Maeda to sink it in further, until Kimura slips out and goes to the guard. While they work on the ground, MSD immediately shows why he’s better than anything in F.L.O.P. ("Foley's League Of Promos"), by feeding Matt Striker softball questions (“Now what does he mean by ground game?”) so that he can go off and show his expertise on the sport of wrestling. They trade knees from a clinch, but get nowhere. Kimura gets a quick right to stagger Maeda and pulls guard to take him down. He works from the bottom in something like a butterfly guard, trying for an armbar, but Maeda won’t take the bait. Kimura, unable to pass the guard, goes for an ankle, but Maeda won’t let him have that. He tries a couple of more times, but gets nothing, and Maeda does an awesome reversal out of the guard and gets full mount out of it. It was like Kimura catapulted him up and into mount, very neat. Maeda tries for the kimura, but Kimura escapes with sheer force and gets top position again. And after 12 minutes, we go to overtime. Too close to call at this point. I sense this will be more of a destruction for Kimura than the BCCW would have liked. They trade leg kicks, and then Maeda pounds him to the mat with some good shots, and Kimura goes to the guard. Maeda throws from the top, but Kimura very nearly traps him in an armbar, but Maeda has a slick reversal out and he sprawls to prevent Kimura from getting position again. Man, Kimura really got exposed there. Maeda gets a deep leglock, but can’t tap Kimura. Maeda gets a takedown and side mount, and then manages to pass the guard and gets full mount. Kimura actually escapes by nearly getting an anklelock, and they stand up. Kimura is running out of gas as Maeda throws at will and Kimura wearily fights back. Maeda immediately takes him down, but Kimura gets one of his own, and we’re into the guard, which Maeda immediately passes. Maeda gets a brutal slam to take Kimura down and he’s OUT, and that’s it. Mitsuyo Maeda is just tremendous and I look forward to watching him while I can. A memorable knockout to end a pretty damn good card. Good technical work on the ground and a GREAT knockout to end means I’m happy.
* SCOTT KEITH
Winner: MITSUYO MAEDA
(BCCW Shoot Fight)
"My Time is Now"
Enter John Cena.
He's carrying the new BCCW world title belt. Runs through his usual crowd pleasing catch phrases, before turning seriously to address the issues against him and the title. But before he can address the situation, he is rudely interrupted by The Grand Wizard.
Blah blah blah, legal recourse, litigation, lawyer threats. TGW has the titled sewed up in his so much red tape John Cena will never be able to hoist it again without paying royalties. Cena begins to question TGW's involvement in the matter, when there is a disturbance on the stage entry area with security. It's Jake "the Snake" Roberts, looking trashed beyond all mortal comprehension. Security is trying to hold him back, he tries to get a live mic but can barely stand up. Security ushers him away, but he's cursing TGW out the entire way. TGW just sneers and brushes him off.
Cena regains possession of the mic and skewers The Grand Wizard. Shady, shiesty, untrustworthy, character. Cena understands that ever since he's gained control of BCCW, he's been overwhelmed by the managerial end - he didn't sign up to be an accountant, or manager or numbers cruncher. He's a fighter. But as of tonight, he is no longer a champion. That's right - to TGW's great surprise - John Cena is willingly relinquishing his BCCW championship! Perhaps out of honor for Gino's memory, perhaps out of hunger for a new challenge. Or perhaps he's just tired of all the petty BS. Either way, Cena has agreed to rescind the BCCW championship. He's also admitted that he's not one for administrative duties, so he's also sold his share in BCCW ownership (that's news to TGW). John Cena came out here tonight to introduce the new BCCW owner:
DIXIE CARTER
DIXIE CARTER: Well, I think we’re going to have a lot of new faces. It’s great because everybody’s calling, everybody’s wanting to be a part of it and there’s a lot of excitement and energy, but there’re some really unique angles going on, both with our young guys that are homegrown BCCW stars as well as the big established names. I think we have just had a won’t quit attitude. We have not taken no for an answer. We have built it one fan at a time. I think the wrestling fans wanted an alternative. They wanted competition. Competition is good for any industry. It makes you work harder and I think in this case, the wrestling fans have one. They’ve been the ones to help build us and carry us to where we’ve been. There’s been a lot of issues. They don’t miss an opportunity to try to shut us down, but that just makes us more tenacious and stronger willed. Have at it. Go for it. We’re ready and we’ll face whatever we need to.
The Grand Wizard is bugging out, and John Cena takes the mic to tell him one more thing. Cena's last order as BCCW owner was to book himself a match. A tag team match - Cenation Immortals versus Henchmen at the next BCCW PPV "Rock the Bells"!!! And since TGW no longer has any legal recourse over Cena tonight, Cena's booked himself a prelim contest tonight... ko's OMG! TGW is all alone! Attitude Adjustment to the Grand Wizard! STFU! TGW is tapping out frantically! Finally Berzerker makes the run-in, and he and OMG squash Cena until Hulk Hogan (1988) makes the triumphant run-in.
The new Mega Powers, Hulk Hogan and John Cena clear the ring and pose to the fans delight. Dixie Carter reads a proxy that strips TGW of his managerial certificate and bans him from BCCW properties for a duration of at least 90 days. Fans sing "nahh nahh nahh good bye!" to TGW as he's carted out on a stretcher. He musters one last middle finger to the crowd as he's being wheeled out. Security restrain OMG and Berzerker while Cena and Hogan pose, take pictures and sign autographs in the crowd. Cenation Immortals versus the Henchmen - live at "ROCK the BELLS"!!!
8) LOU THESZ versus KEN SHAMROCK
versus 
Shamrock is back from his self-imposed "medical suspension", but refuses to answer questions about his alleged "ducking" of Dan Severn. Here he has accepted this match against a physically weakened former Undisputed champion Lou Thesz. Injuries wrought upon him by Gold Dust Trio Inc (see "CITY of CHAMPIONS") and aggravated by the Dudley Boyz (see "GANG RULZ") have come back to haunt Thesz. Shamrock versus Thesz, Lions Den GDT Inc versus Shooters Club. The size differential turns out to be the key here, as Shamrock's inflated physique gives him the advantage on a few crucial exchanges (and he "snaps" violently under pressure as well). Focuses exclusively on the ankle, and the end comes after an excruciating duration of Thesz being trapped in the ankle lock before his corner man Dan Severn is forced to throw in the towel. Shamrock wins by submission. Post match, Thesz attempts to be a sportsman and offers the handshake of mutual respect to Shamrock. But suddenly - while Shamrock is staring Thesz down - their two corners (led by opposing coaches Dan Severn and Mitsuyo Maeda) begin to clash outside the ring. Shamrock blindsides Thesz when his back is turned and clamps on the ankle lock again. This time there is nobody to call for the hold to be broken, and Shamrock takes out Thesz like he did Evan Bourne. But Ken Shamrock is sure to clear the ring before Dan Severn can get ahold of him. Winner: KEN SHAMROCK
BCCW presents:
ROCK the BELLS!!!
Coming soon!
CREDITS
DIXIE CARTER: Craveonline intervew May 24, 2010
SCOTT KEITH: UFC 16 Smark Rant
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